


every time you leave

by curseofmen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: #let anakin use real swear words 2k21, Anakin Skywalker has separation anxiety, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e22 Revenge, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Miscommunication, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, maul ruining everyone's day per usual, post Deception arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29166819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curseofmen/pseuds/curseofmen
Summary: “Well he survived,” Anakin shoots back with venom laced into his voice, “I’m sure he hasn’t grown weaker either.”“That may be but it’s a possibility I will be prepared for.”"Just let me come with―""No," Obi-Wan interrupts him.[or: Anakin being scared of losing Obi-Wan again and Obi-Wan not wanting Anakin to go anywhere near Maul don't mix well, it blows up in their faces obviously]
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 141





	every time you leave

**Author's Note:**

> my brain was still halfway stuck in writer's block when i wrote this but i still finished this so that's something 
> 
> if you liked this leaving kudos and a comment are very appreciated!

“Are you sure that you’re alright?” Ahsoka questions him when they jump out of the speeder that’s parked at the landing platform of the Temple now. Anakin rubs at his temple for what feels like the hundredth time in under twenty minutes. "You look like you're sick."

“No, it’s not―I’m not feeling sick, Ahsoka. Just a headache.”

Ahsoka crosses her arms in front of her chest as she walks beside him. The steps she has to take to keep up with him aren’t as big anymore as they used to be. 

“Is this still about what you sensed when we were on Stobar?”

Always so perceive his Padawan, Anakin thinks. 

“Yes,” he absent-mindedly mutters. The disturbance he felt in the Force in that diner on Stobar has left him restless for days now, bringing it all the way back to Coruscant. They walk in silence for a while and it leaves Anakin to ponder on his thoughts.

It feels familiar and yet Anakin doesn’t know why or who it could be connected to. It’s hardly about Dooku or Ventress―he knows their sinister Force signatures well enough by now and how they cloud the Force in the dark. It’s something―someone else Anakin can’t quite pinpoint and it brought him a headache and Rex pulling him aside after their briefing to ask in hushed voices if he’s in the here and now―if he can do this battle is what he meant but didn’t dare ask. 

“Do you… want to meditate on it?” Ahsoka asks tentatively, aware of the fact that meditation doesn’t come too easily to him. He could do that and it might lead him somewhere but the faster option might be to just ask anyone who was not caught up in battle and might have already meditated on it. 

“No, no I don’t think that will get me anywhere,” Anakin says, as they enter the hallway where their quarters are located. “Do you have any readings to catch on to?”  
Ahsoka eyes him for a long second where they stand in front of their quarters now. 

“If you have somewhere to be I'm sure I will find some readings to attend to,” Ahsoka muses, “or meditate.” 

She kicks the door open with her right foot and spares a glance inside. 

“Maybe clean up a little.”

She turns back to him. “So, do you have to be somewhere?”

“I should talk to Master Yoda.”

Ahsoka nods and extends her hand to touch his arm lightly before she sweeps inside their quarters and leaves him to go find Master Yoda; wherever he may be hiding at this hour. While he can be cryptic at times, giving Anakin the very intense urge to just ask if he can explain it to him in baby words (before feeling silly for it the next second) but once he gets it―most of the advice Master Yoda gives isn’t too bad. Anakin looks at Ahsoka one last time to make sure she’s actually occupied before he leaves to go find Master Yoda. 

He doesn’t find Master Yoda in the Council chamber, nor in the gardens, nor with the Younglings, and neither in his quarters. Not finding Master Yoda in his quarters or the gardens is very much suspicious which means something must have happened for him to be elsewhere. Communication center it is then. 

When he steps into the communication center he doesn’t only find Master Yoda but Master Windu as well. Holos of Master Plo and Master Mundi flicker at the holoprojector table in front of Yoda and Windu. 

Master Mundi and Master Plo slightly bow at Master Yoda and simultaneously spare Anakin a single glance like they know what’s happening before their projections flicker out. 

“Masters,” Anakin says, “I’m sorry for interrupting but I have to talk to you.” He turns to Master Yoda as if that wasn’t clear from the very start. Anakin feels a little helpless. There are obviously other things going on and his vague feelings about the Force shifting are probably only secondary during the intergalactic war raging on. 

“Go on, you may.”

Master Yoda nods at him and Anakin steps down the last stairs that separate him from them. 

“I felt a disturbance in the Force on Stobar,” Anakin says, leaning lightly at the holoprojector table. Master Yoda and Windu look at each other―Anakin feels like he’s already missing half of a conversation that’s going on in this room. Their non-verbal communication only through shared looks is infuriating at best. Still; he goes on. 

“It felt familiar, but I couldn’t entirely recognize it. It was… sinister, dark but… I’m not sure what to make of it.”

“Felt it,” Master Yoda answers him, “I did too. Not the only one you are.”

Oh, Anakin thinks. That’s good. Probably. 

"I'm surprised you remember the familiarity of the Force signature," Master Windu cuts in. "You were young when you encountered something like it first."

Anakin opens his mouth, then closes it again. Just takes to staring at Master Windu dumbfoundedly for a while. They make no effort to interrupt his thought process. 

“You mean this is about… Maul? That can’t be… right?”

He’s met with silence from both Master Yoda and Master Windu. A little too much silence, if you ask him. 

“He is alive?” Anakin settles on asking quietly. 

“He is.”  
Master Windu’s voice is grave and the worry etches into the lines of his face deeply. Anakin looks at him and then at Master Yoda. 

“Where’s Obi-Wan? He has to―we need to tell him. Because what I felt was all the way out here. He… he could be in danger.”

“Aware Obi-wan already is. A message from Maul he received and determined he is to go after him.” 

It barely takes a second for the realization to snap into place and he whirls around to Master Windu again. 

“You mean he’s going alone?”

Anakin ignores how his voice turns into a nearly hysterical screech at the last word. While Master Windu barely raises an eyebrow at him at that, Master Yoda chooses to ignore it entirely. 

“He is,” Master Windu confirms. “That’s the decision that has been made.”

"I don't agree," Anakin snaps without a second of hesitation.

"Neither did I," Master Windu says mildly, "but my opinion has been… overruled."

"By who?"

“To go alone is what Obi-Wan decided.”

“That’s bullshit!” 

“Skywalker!” 

Master Windu fixates him with a stern look that’s only ever reserved for his… emotional outbursts. Anakin looks around, back to the door he just came from. 

“Wait, where _is_ Obi-Wan?” 

“Skywalker,” Master Windu starts with a careful edge to his voice now, An edge any of the Jedi Masters take on when they sense he’s about to dive into one of his rather reckless decisions. By then it’s already too late and Anakin has taken a few steps backward until his heels hit the first step of the stairs. 

“No,” Anakin interrupts him before he gets out any more words, “no, you can’t do this.” _Not again_ is what dies on his tongue when he turns around and bolts up the stairs without waiting for what they have to say. If Master Windu calls after him he ignores it entirely. 

Finding Obi-Wan in the Temple is not hard. He merely has to follow the light of Obi-Wan’s end of their bond that trails through the Temple to track him down. He’s walking―walking in the hallway down to the hangar like it’s nothing when Anakin catches up to him. 

“Obi-Wan,” he calls. “Hey! Wait!”

He almost collides with Obi-Wan’s chest when he abruptly turns around, stopping in his tracks. 

“Anakin.” 

Obi-Wan only sounds mildly surprised to see him standing in front of him. 

“What do you think you’re doing?”

His Master raises an eyebrow at him. Something between confusion and a mild offense that for once Anakin is asking him that question and it’s not the other way around. 

“You will have to elaborate on that question, I’m afraid.”

“Don’t,” Anakin hisses, “don’t act like you don’t know that I don’t know what you’re about to do. I felt it. Master Yoda and Master Windu told me.”

Obi-Wan’s chest rises and falls in a silent sigh, his shoulders dropping only the faintest amount. 

“Then you must know that this is something I have to do on my own.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan chides, "these matters are hardly as easy to decipher as that." 

"You can't just go on your own!"

"And why is that?"

Obi-Wan mirrors Anakin's stance by crossing his arms in front of his chest too now. He's getting defensive. What a sight to behold.

"Because Maul wants you dead and there is something else out there and you're probably walking right into a trap."

"Then it will be that way."

"Why don't you care about this?"

"I care about this, Anakin. I do, and that's why I'm going, even with these risks involved."

"You could _die_."

Obi-Wan says nothing. Oh, honestly that’s just fantastic. Of course, now he chooses to remain silent. That’s so typical of him. So Anakin goes on for him. 

"What, am I supposed to just watch you die _again_?"

Anakin's voice cracks at that. It hasn’t been long ever since Obi-Wan made everyone believe that he was dead, shot down from a building and this is a wound Anakin has not yet recovered from. Even if he likes to pretend otherwise in favor of not having to talk about this. But he remembers the sight of Obi-Wan’s lifeless body well and he remembers how it felt when the Force suppressors kicked in and let Obi-Wan fade away in the Force. It hurt. It was excruciating to have half his mind ripped away. And it was all a ploy. It was all a ploy and the pain was still enough to almost snap him in half. 

He doesn’t want to―no, he _can’t_ think about what would happen if Obi-Wan were to actually die. He can’t lose Obi-Wan. Not when it would drive him insane in pain and hurt. Not when it already happened once and the sound of cracking bones and cold eyes still haunts his nightmares.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, giving his voice the tone of diplomacy so that he might leave with peace between them. Anakin knows that one too well. “I have faced Maul once and I like to believe I have grown more capable over the years.”

“Well, he survived,” Anakin shoots back with venom laced into his voice, “I’m sure he hasn’t grown weaker either.”

“That may be but it’s a possibility I will be prepared for.”

"Just let me come with―"

"No," Obi-Wan interrupts him.

Anakin blinks. "What do you mean, _'no'_?"

"Exactly what I just said. You have no part in all of this. You will not come with me."

“That makes no sense! I don't have to be a part of that to come help you fight off some evil―"

"I said no."

Obi-Wan's voice is sharp like it barely ever is and it sends Anakin stumbling back at the impact.

Anger floods his veins as soon as he regains control of the moment. 

"I am not incapable," Anakin hisses and he hopes it pains Obi-Wan to look at him right now. 

"I have never said that, Anakin," Obi-Wan reminds him gently, but firmly.

"Then why are you not letting me come?"

Hot pressure born from frustration builds up behind his eyes, starting to make his vision go white in tears that threaten to come. Obi-Wan straightens up.

"My decision is final, Anakin," he says, "you will not come with me on this mission."

Anakin sets his jaw to stone and his eyes turn to glass before him with every lonely tear slipping over the curves of his cheek admitting to the things he won't say out loud. Stubborn as he is, he frantically wipes the back of his hand through his face once.

"I will see you when I come back,” Obi-Wan says softly. Anakin knows Obi-Wan desperately wishes it to be enough for now. It isn't. 

Instead, Anakin turns around on his heels and then marches off to wherever he came from without another word, leaving Obi-Wan standing in the hallway to go face his past all on his own.   
  


* * *

  
Obi-Wan comes back with five broken ribs and blue blossoming around his right eye. Without Ventress, he certainly would have passed over into the Force today. _What, am I supposed to just watch you die again?_ Obi-Wan sighs. Just one misstep and he would have broken his Padawan all over again like glass you shatter against the wall. Not to mention that he must have felt enough of it. In the fleeting seconds, he wasn’t entirely focused on not dying or losing a limb for softer measures Obi-Wan could feel Anakin prying, even across the galaxy. There’s no point in really hiding it, not when he’s already on Coruscant and by now Anakin will have inspected every fragment of what he’s currently feeling. Obi-Wan almost wishes they would have sent him away again… or that he would not be in the Temple right now and seek company above Coruscant’s clouds where Obi-Wan knows he goes amidst all rationality. Instead, there’s the flaring of his supernova-like presence calling home in the Temple right before him.

He doesn’t stay in the Halls of Healing for too long, having grown far too familiar with broken ribs for them to be really holding him back anymore. Also, should Anakin choose to talk to him he’d rather now have that conversation in the Halls of Healing where it’s bound to disturb anyone else too―not only Obi-Wan. Of course, Master Vokara wasn’t happy with him but with enough painkillers and the promise to actually rest she eventually let him go after fussing over him for only a few minutes. 

Though, he barely made it inside before Mace showed up at his quarters accompanied by a frown and the intention to make tea, after asking how it went only once. Obi-Wan's general state of being was enough to answer that question.

“Sit down, Obi-Wan,” Mace says five minutes later, “and don’t even think about getting up.”

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes but leans back against the cushion that’s set up against the wall in the window seat. 

“You shouldn’t even be out of the Halls yet,” Mace mutters, while he prepares the tea. Obi-Wan sighs only to regret it a second later when his ribs scream in protest. 

“Where is Anakin?” He decides to change the topic instead. From one headache to the next one since his former Padawan will hardly be happy with this outcome. Even though Obi-Wan did come back alive, he clearly didn’t come back in what one would describe as a healthy state of being and that will confirm all that Anakin cares for. 

“Master Yoda took him for a walk,” Mace says mildly as if he can already feel Obi-Wan’s approaching anxiousness. “A while ago, actually.”

“So, he didn’t do anything―”

“Rash? Reckless?” Mace interrupts him. Even though Obi-Wan can not see him he can sense there’s some sort of smile pulling at Mace’s lips. “No, he didn’t.”

“Good.”

Mace turns around to him with a cup of tea in hand. When he hands it over to Obi-Wan it’s hot even with his sleeves pulled over his hands. The action itself feels calming enough. 

“I will leave you to rest now.” Mace gives him a short nod. “And I’m sure your Padawan will like to talk to you.”  
Obi-Wan stares into his cup of tea and watches one of the leaves move around in it. 

“Oh I’m sure of that,” he mutters, maybe more to himself than to Mace. It’s not a conversation he is looking forward to having if he is being quite honest. 

“Rest well, Obi-Wan,” Mace says and then he leaves the room and Obi-Wan alone with his thoughts. He will have to face Maul, and his beast of a brother, again, that Obi-Wan is sure of. Another certainty is that this time they won’t let him leave on his own―not a second time. He is also aware that they might just send Anakin with him as soon as the second time arises. Logically, Obi-Wan knows that bringing Anakin would provide them with the best chances to capture Maul and his brother since there is no one else Obi-Wan is attuned to as he is to Anakin. Everything else in Obi-Wan protests at the mere thought of bringing Anakin within thirty feet of Maul. Maul may be an unbalanced monster, maybe he has lost his mind entirely but he’s no fool and it will only take a single look at Anakin to piece the puzzle of Obi-Wan’s greatest vulnerability together.

Obi-Wan is close to dozing off a while after Mace left when voices in front of the door grow louder. He recognizes Anakin’s voice within a heartbeat. The other one must be Master Yoda then. With the sound of the door opening Obi-Wan braces himself for impact. Even with over ten years of watching Anakin grow up, seeing him cry never got easier on Obi-Wan. 

And just like Obi-Wan hates having to endure it, Anakin’s eyes are red from crying and his hair looks slightly disheveled as well. If Mace had not confirmed otherwise, Obi-Wan might just have suspected that he went to one of the illegal Coruscant lower levels races where the gas of the engines makes his eyes burn and what would certainly explain everything else about his outer appearance. He really doesn’t look like he just took a calming walk in the Temple gardens with Master Yoda. 

“You’re back,” Anakin says tonelessly. Something in Obi-Wan’s fingers twitches with the immediate need to reach out to Anakin and wipe the tears off of his face. His Padawan beats him to it by slightly turning away from Obi-Wan, but it’s not enough to hide how he wipes the back of his hand over his face. 

“I told you I would see you when I come back, didn’t I?”

Obi-Wan manages a weak smile at Anakin that is not reciprocated by him. Not that he expected anything different. Not after knowing Anakin for so many years. 

“Technically I came to see you,” Anakin bites back. Then: “You don’t look good.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

Anakin crosses his arms in front of his chest and fixates Obi-Wan with a hard glare. So, not in the mood to joke for once. That’s fair. Anakin did tell him this entire thing could go sideways quickly. 

“There would be no need to handle it,” Anakin says, and it sounds like it comes from between teeth that are grinding on top of each other, “if you had taken me with you.”

Obi-Wan sighs. He should have known he would not get out of this one. 

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says. He tries to be soft because his Padawan does have a soft heart for all he tries to hide it. It might do him no good during the war. “The pain of this fight and the past that comes with it is not one you have to bear.”

It’s not the entire truth but it comes close enough to the truth that Obi-Wan hopes now that he is back and _alive_ will be enough for Anakin. It is Obi-Wan’s past after all, not Anakin’s. For Anakin―it’s only his future, leading him to end up with Obi-Wan as a master and not Qui-Gon. 

“You’re lying to me,” Anakin says, clarity written all over his eyes. “I can feel it.”  
Obi-Wan searches his shields, apparently not as strong as he suspected them to be since he didn’t even feel Anakin pry them apart. It must have been the painkillers.

“Now it’s too late to fix them,” his Padawan comments quietly. “I already said I know you’re lying to me.”

“That you did,” Obi-Wan says, eyes fixated on some point above Anakin’s shoulder, who still stands in the middle of the room―unmoving. He feels Anakin’s eyes burn through him. 

“Why are you lying to me then?”

“It’s hardly anything of your concern.”

“You can just say that you don’t trust me,” Anakin snaps at him. “Instead of trying to do whatever you’re trying to do here. Because it’s not working.”

“That’s not true,” Obi-Wan tells him quietly. “That’s not what I said or implied.”

Obi-Wan is tired, tired of arguing and fighting; tired of it all. But if he knows Anakin just one bit he will not let this go, until he has an answer he deems worthy enough. Always so persistent only to turn and retreat into himself when Obi-Wan presses him on matters Anakin doesn’t want to discuss. Arguing with Anakin is tiring at best and soul-eating at worst with the way his eyes burn in cold fury and his jaw works to convey every single emotion Obi-Wan can feel anyway. Whenever Anakin is angry or hurt his shields grow considerably weaker, not because he can’t control them―Obi-Wan knows well enough that his brilliant student can―it’s because Anakin knows the pain and headaches that come with being in close proximity to him like he’s too tired to care and this is the easiest way to make whoever hurt him, hurt as well. 

“Maul isn’t the first Sith lord I’ve encountered,” Anakin goes on. Either oblivious or willfully ignorant about what exactly happened between him and the first Sith lord he encountered in battle. Knowing Anakin it is probably the latter.

“Yes, because facing a Sith lord for the first time worked out well for you,” Obi-Wan snaps tiredly and Anakin reels back as if he hit him. Everything inside Obi-Wan turns to ash as soon as the words are out, regretting them just as quickly. “I’m sorry, Anakin.”

Obi-Wan massages the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

“I’m sorry.”

Anakin cradles his prosthetic arm against his chest like it needs protecting. After two years of having his arm he’s well aware of the strength it carries and knows well how to use it to his advantage but now it’s the very thing making him appear vulnerable. Obi-Wan does not like to indulge in thoughts about what happened on Geonosis for a reason; he allowed Anakin to get hurt once, he can not allow it to happen again―not to that extent. 

“Well,” Anakin says quietly, “you look pretty horrible now too.”

“I am aware of that, believe me.” 

“Maybe you wouldn’t if you had taken me with you.”

Obi-Wan gives Anakin a sharp look and Anakin shrugs.

"You still haven't given me a reason why you wouldn't let me come and now you have broken ribs and a concussion. So tell me how exactly I was wrong in thinking you should've taken me with you."

Obi-Wan remains silent. 

“Please?” Anakin asks. “I don't believe he’s as much of a threat as Dooku. You let me go after Dooku all the time.” _And Dooku cost me an arm_ , is what hangs between them, left unspoken but they’re all too aware of it. He looks at Anakin for real this time. The way Anakin stands in the middle of the room reminds Obi-Wan of the time when he was still so much smaller, waiting to tell Obi-Wan all about his day. It was hard to get things out of Anakin, Obi-Wan remembers. _It still is,_ he thinks. 

Obi-Wan feels like he owes him that honesty, even though it’s so hard to get from Anakin himself. He doesn’t have it in him to keep it from Anakin, not when he looks utterly lost with why Obi-Wan wouldn’t take him with him to go face Maul, head hanging low. Another half-hearted sigh. 

"I will recover from my broken ribs," Obi-Wan says, "but do not think I will gamble with your life carelessly. Maul knows how to cause me pain and I won't let it be you."

And he knows Maul would hurt him given the opportunity. Oh, how badly Maul would hurt him. He would bleed Anakin dry in front of him, make him watch the light fade from Anakin’s eyes because Maul would know after looking at Anakin for a second that this is the cruelest thing he could do to Obi-Wan. The greatest pain he could cause Obi-Wan.

“Oh,” Anakin mutters, “so there’s―”

“You are brilliant, Anakin and I don’t doubt that you could hold your ground against him… _but,_ there are risks I am willing to take and there are those I will not. Your life is not something I am willing to risk.”

Obi-Wan knows Anakin understands what he’s saying in the way his face softens and the fire in his eyes flares out in just a heartbeat. If the situation hadn’t been so agonizing up until now Obi-Wan would almost laugh at Anakin’s mouth that hangs open in words that died on his tongue. 

"Now, will you kindly keep me company for a while?"

Anakin stares at him for a second before he nods and finally approaches Obi-Wan after what felt like being apart for far too long. He sits down at the bank under their window seat to let his head fall against Obi-Wan's thigh like a puppet that got its strings cut. Obi-Wan sighs, if only to himself before he puts a hand down on Anakin's head―still tentatively because he hasn't done this in a rather long time, especially with the shadow of the Rako Hardeen debacle hanging over their heads but Anakin doesn't object so he begins to stroke his hand over the wild mess that is his Padawan's curls. Some of the pain around Anakin’s force signature begins to uncurl. 

"When will it end?" Anakin asks quietly. 

"When either Maul or I are dead, I suppose."

Obi-Wan has seen the fire burn in Maul's eyes that screams of revenge and pain and the promise to not stop before Obi-Wan hasn’t suffered the way he has. He _has_ suffered; so much some days it only feels like he’s half alive. 

"I won't let it be you."

"That will be up to the will of the Force. It is hardly for you to decide, Padawan mine."

"I think it is," Anakin says ever so quietly. Obi-Wan halts his movement in stroking his hand over Anakin's hair for a moment. Sometimes his Padawan will say those things and Obi-Wan is not quite sure if he recognizes the weight behind them or if he does―and Obi-Wan just doesn’t know which option might be more frightening. 

But for now, Obi-Wan returns to combing his fingers through Anakin’s hair. For now, they are okay. For now, Maul hasn’t hurt Anakin yet and that’s something that will remain that way for as long as Obi-Wan is breathing. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you see me taking thinly veiled shots about anakin's and the force's will being one no you didn't
> 
> \+ my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bIyIas)
> 
> \+ i also made a tumblr despite not yet knowing how to work it but if you wanna follow me on there here's my [profile](https://curse-of-men.tumblr.com/)


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